October in London

It’s October of 2016! How in the world did that happen? I remember when the year just started and I was in NYC dreaming of all the things I would and could do this year.

Now I feel like 2017 is just around the corner and it’s just… wow. Not to mention, I’m still in London going through life trials and tribulations. Meeting new people who have been encouraging to me when they have no real reason to be (I’m a stranger), hard talks and realities thrown on me by people I’d never suspect (I’m not a stranger) and just running into random experiences and adventures through some unknown will I keep stumbling across. It’s still great. It’s still hard. It’s life.

In one way, time is running out. Well my London time is. I’ve extended my ticket and thought about the big life question that everyone ponders “what’s next?” I have a vague idea. Very foggy and vague I might add, but I’m still going to try for this idea. Part of what’s in that idea is figuring out how to make my European dreams come true. I mean, lots of great Europe things have happened but I believe in always striving for more.

Some amazing things I’ve done as fall set in on me in another country:

  • Assit in editing a video for a Walking Dead promo
  • Help out on a shoot for Ugg
  • Learn more about using software like Premiere and After Effects
  • Learn way more about marketing than I intended (Google Adwords, Mailchimp, Tweedtdeck, etc)
  • Meet incredible people in the London film and production industry with drive and passion as well as lovely social skills (haha)
  • Go to movies in London (simple pleasures)
  • Move into my own place and share with girls that are super nice
  • Make friends despite having a network or good everyday social setting to find them (it’s hard stuff, believe me)
  • Go to a random concert, clubs, bakeries, book store, play
  • Travel to some new cities in Europe
  • Shop a little and grab some cute pieces (even if it hasn’t been warm enough to wear them)
  • Discover things about my self and what I can improve

That’s just a small bit of the list but there are plenty of things, including bad, that have in the end helped me to have a better understanding about what I want. I know that may be a selfish statement and it is, but it’s also not in some ways (learning more about how I want to treat others vs how people treat(ed) me is one way in wish it’s more people friendly).

I’m glad to be here, in London in October. I do admit I wasn’t sure if that would happen but I’ve been making it since June. If only I could find a way to make it last for as long as I chose. I mean, maybe I can and will stumble into that situation but overall I’m just glad… and grateful.

So yeah, that’s just a bit of my thoughts on making it to London and living here. It’s been crazy but I don’t regret even in my weak moments of disappointment and negativity.

 

Joe & The Juice Musings

I’m sitting in this Brooklyn-esque coffee shop/juice bar in London, reading a book about lessening worry.

I’m not sure it will actually help me. If at the end of the day, it’s just me wasting money since I’ve already been making my own efforts to worry less, well at least no one can say that I didn’t try! haha

So far, the book outlines the art of worry and how things in the past should remain as such – in the past. But while reading, this thought popped up. I started thinking about why I worry and the things I worry about and at the end of the day, it all stems from other people.

I think you should be able to tell others your opinions but at what point are others opinions someone else’s worries. Is it the individual’s fault for letting someone else’s words invade their minds to the point of stress and anxiety? Maybe. But when should others just shut their trap and live their own life (be it miserable or full of happiness)?

I consider myself a curious open minded person but as I get older and start to get more confused about life, I start to wish others just kept their ill informed opinions to themselves. Maybe that’s where the mean old lady stereotype comes from, young girls tired of being confused by life and receiving unwarranted thoughts morphing them into b*tch. But I kid. I mean, I don’t truly wish to not hear other perspectives. I still admit that I like to hear what goes on in another person’s brain out of curiosity. It’ll then lead me down a road where I’ll try to analyze the nuts off what was said or done when I really don’t need to go into super-sleuth “what did you really mean” mode. I need to stop that. It’s not like someone will confirm my analysis. It will forever be a hypothetical.

But worry. I don’t like it. It adds years onto you, makes you tired and often causes you to be blind to happiness and joy of the here and now. I don’t want that to be me and I don’t think that is me. I do wish that it were easier to hear other people without letting their idiotic thoughts about what you should do and where you should be get to you. And on that note, there is no “should.” There just is when it comes to your life. And if there is a “should,” it’s your should not someone else’s notions.

Don’t let someone fill your head with ways you’re inadequate or how you suck. I mean maybe people aren’t doing that and I’m reading between the lines when there actually isn’t any space to read. But what I’m learning is that if you’re true to you then worry will start to fall away.

If worry is burdening you because of others words then stop it! Learn to recognize what you find important and necessary and just do it/live by it. As long as you gave it your all, things will somehow find their way to nice ending.

 

Impulse Control, See Ya Never

Sometimes you make life harder than it needs to be.

I might just be talking to myself. Actually, not might, I am. But I’m also talking to anyone else that feels confused or anxious.

Life is hard. It’s just a fact. But I sometimes think life is made harder by overthinking what you want vs what makes sense. Well, it’s only hard for those of us who have been trained to check your impulses and follow the “rules.”

Most days I want to say F*** rules. Not because I’m rebellious or seeking a way to defy but because life isn’t clear cut and you have to do a few stupid things to really learn and even succeed.

I think people that know me don’t think I screw up or make impulsive decisions. I do! Maybe not as much as the carefree friend you know that jumps off buildings or just sleeps around (two different types of impulses haha) but I am up for taking chances – I just get nervous.

It’s hard putting yourself out there in whatever way  you choose (romantic, professional, friendship, etc). There are so many hurdles you’re trying to jump and just when you’ve cleared five back to back, a wild one appears out of nowhere to make you hit the pavement face first. Anyone would be scared of this, cause it hurts!! But sometimes these falls need to happen. You need to get hurt and see a little blood. Not so much to ground you but to help you learn how to better anticipate and live your life.

I mean, I don’t like feeling dumb. No one does. But I think it is necessary. I’ll keep dreading those moments but at the end of the day, I probably needed to give into an impulse or two and be dumb. I need to let life just happen and go for it without thinking too much about hurdles my peers or even parents have tripped over and linger in my mind.

Their hurdles are their hurdles, not mine. Just because they fell over them doesn’t mean I will. But that doesn’t mean I have the right to be completely stupid and do everything and more of what others did because “that just can’t happen to me.” You’re just lying to yourself if you think otherwise.

Back to my point though, impulses. It’s important to give into sometimes. I don’t want think back on things I’d wish were accomplished or at least attempted. You need some reckless in your life and at the end of the day, I think my life would be better lived if I gave less f***s and just did and said what I wanted (within reason, haha).

 

When to Call It Quits?

I don’t mean for this to be a demotivating post nor do I want anyone to read into it but I felt it was a topic I needed to tackle. When do you call it quits?

I was taught that I shouldn’t give up on things, even when they seemed hard or nearly impossible. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. But is it possible to be completely naive to when enough is enough? When you’ve given it all you’ve got but it still isn’t working out. I think so.

I may not look like it at first glance but I don’t like to back down from a challenge, even if that challenge doesn’t interest me. I aliken this to Marty McFly in Back to the Future. He’s a decent sensible guy but when someone dares him to do something and calls him chicken, he CAN’T back down. Drag race, stealing, fighting, you name it! The word chicken sends him into a spiral where he cannot refuse the challenge in front of him. Now I don’t greet challenges such as jumping off bridges or robbing stores but I do like to stay in something I’m presented with for the long haul.

I want to give the opportunity or person a fair shake and sometimes that means putting in more time and energy just to come to the same conclusion you had at the beginning. That it isn’t going to work. Some would call this gut instinct.

I was chatting with my sister about this to get her point of view. Although she is a year younger than me, I enjoy hearing what she and others have to say. I don’t take there word as gospel but for me, a new perspective helps me sort things out and figure out what’s next. What she basically told me is she’s living her life with the Murtaugh rule as seen in How I Met Your Mother.

When she feels her chain being yanked by boys, superiors or family, she thinks to herself “I’m too old for this stuff.” Why waste my time and my life on something I already know isn’t good for me. I’m too old and value myself too much to go through all this waste for not. I’m not getting anything but a pain in my side. I’m giving all of my effort to something that isn’t going to payout the way I want. Boy Bai.

It made sense. I am too old for this stuff. If it takes me looking at myself as an elder than so be it, as long as I know when and where to devote my effort. I’ll call it quits when I feel like I’m too old for this. Gut instinct does exist. You can have a vibe about something or someone and no matter how much you don’t want it to be true, it tends to fall out just as you had hoped that it wouldn’t. What I think is important to remember however when placing value in your gut or Murtaugh rule is actually knowing when to listen.

For me that moment comes after a month. This isn’t a science or widely tested hypothesis but the way I feel about something a month in is generally how I will continue to feel. If I think a guy seems interesting but sense he has an issue that probably won’t workout in the long haul, I’m right. The optimist in me wants to give you a chance and I often do but in the end, I should have just squashed it before I got squashed. Or the case of a job, if I’m feeling bored or unappreciated and I’ve done everything in my power to show I AM a person to watch but I’m still being ignored, then it’s time to go.

There are always things that pop up that aren’t exactly rule. Like my first apartment. I think I hated it for the first three months and by the time it was over, I was sad to leave. I wanted to call it quits on that place but I didn’t and I’m glad I stayed.

Life is so hard to navigate and knowing when things are worth giving up with would make it so much better. I guess at the end of the day, life is suppose to be mysterious like that. You aren’t really supposed to know, you just do and hope you’re making the right decision. At the end of the day, you learn to live with what you did, take those lessons to heart and apply them to your next opportunity to help you move into quitting or staying put territory.

That Time I Was Older Than Some People

I’ve just got back from a trip to Manchester (more on that to come in another blog post) but I felt the need to write about a recent thing I’ve been noticing on my travels and interactions with people. I’m no longer the youngest person around.

Me, I’ve never been a fan of my birthday. For many reasons, one of which being it is right on top of the Christmas holiday, but also because it means I’m growing older. I don’t despise getting older as that means I’m still living/alive but I don’t like being an adult. I don’t feel like adult and my appearance makes people less inclined to treat me as such (I’ve been told I look young so I’m glad for that).

Being an adult means responsibilities and new pressures I was naively unaware of until they fell in my lap. Fairy tale stories on how things should and would be aren’t really happening in the way I expected. These are things I find hard to swallow. I’m still in my twenties but there are things I have yet to accomplish or even experience and that puts me on edge.

But back to the point at hand, adulting. Recently I’ve noticed that whenever I gather with groups of people that I think are my age, I come to find that I’m three or four years older. I didn’t know what to do with this at first. I felt betrayed by my birth if that makes any sense.haha Should I be embarrassed? Should I act like I know it all? The answer was there was no real way to behave but I’ve started to feel less “upset” by the fact that I’m older.

I’m more aware of myself and what I want (though I still have not a clue what that is) and I do feel more capable of giving my opinion and feeling confident in it. I know that I’ve dealt with characters that have informed how I approach new situations in my life and it feels good to be more assured in this respect. Again, I’m still clueless about how my life will play out and if what I’m doing is really right but I do know that I can make a decision and follow through as there is nothing to lose.

What am I talking about really? Nothing and everything. Life is hard but you can figure it out. And don’t feel bad about being a little older than most, you’ve met more people that can help you deal with new experiences down the line.