October in London

It’s October of 2016! How in the world did that happen? I remember when the year just started and I was in NYC dreaming of all the things I would and could do this year.

Now I feel like 2017 is just around the corner and it’s just… wow. Not to mention, I’m still in London going through life trials and tribulations. Meeting new people who have been encouraging to me when they have no real reason to be (I’m a stranger), hard talks and realities thrown on me by people I’d never suspect (I’m not a stranger) and just running into random experiences and adventures through some unknown will I keep stumbling across. It’s still great. It’s still hard. It’s life.

In one way, time is running out. Well my London time is. I’ve extended my ticket and thought about the big life question that everyone ponders “what’s next?” I have a vague idea. Very foggy and vague I might add, but I’m still going to try for this idea. Part of what’s in that idea is figuring out how to make my European dreams come true. I mean, lots of great Europe things have happened but I believe in always striving for more.

Some amazing things I’ve done as fall set in on me in another country:

  • Assit in editing a video for a Walking Dead promo
  • Help out on a shoot for Ugg
  • Learn more about using software like Premiere and After Effects
  • Learn way more about marketing than I intended (Google Adwords, Mailchimp, Tweedtdeck, etc)
  • Meet incredible people in the London film and production industry with drive and passion as well as lovely social skills (haha)
  • Go to movies in London (simple pleasures)
  • Move into my own place and share with girls that are super nice
  • Make friends despite having a network or good everyday social setting to find them (it’s hard stuff, believe me)
  • Go to a random concert, clubs, bakeries, book store, play
  • Travel to some new cities in Europe
  • Shop a little and grab some cute pieces (even if it hasn’t been warm enough to wear them)
  • Discover things about my self and what I can improve

That’s just a small bit of the list but there are plenty of things, including bad, that have in the end helped me to have a better understanding about what I want. I know that may be a selfish statement and it is, but it’s also not in some ways (learning more about how I want to treat others vs how people treat(ed) me is one way in wish it’s more people friendly).

I’m glad to be here, in London in October. I do admit I wasn’t sure if that would happen but I’ve been making it since June. If only I could find a way to make it last for as long as I chose. I mean, maybe I can and will stumble into that situation but overall I’m just glad… and grateful.

So yeah, that’s just a bit of my thoughts on making it to London and living here. It’s been crazy but I don’t regret even in my weak moments of disappointment and negativity.

 

Sifting Through Sh*T

Some days, I feel like I’m wading my way through steaming piles of manure.

Is it my face? My naive look? My willingness to try to see the good in the terrible? How is it possible for someone who looks like a calm, kind and reasonable person to look me in the eyes and tell me something they know is complete and utter shite?

I know how it’s possible and I can’t act like I don’t BS people myself but lately, I feel people are trying to try me (yes, I said it). haha

In the adulting world, people lie without giving it a second thought. They lie about age, salary, the rules, work, who they are, etc. It can be difficult to know what really is truth. Because of this known fact, I find myself overcompensating and analyzing every face, word, tone and body movement to get to the meat of what someone is really telling me.

Does this work? Meh.

There are times when I meet people who aren’t telling me BS and are actually doing them, that’s fine. I welcome that BUT with the amount of people who do lie to me, I sometimes confuse those honest truth tellers with those shady people trying to get one up on me.

I wish I could easily decipher what’s going on. Like, there should be a little alarm that goes off and tells me “Alert, alert, liar approaching. They are spinning a work of fiction, a motion picture, right in front of you.” There is some sort of alarm. I think that’s intuition (relating back to my old post about gut instinct) but then sometimes, I think “No, they aren’t lying to me. What reason could they have?” Half the time I’m right and the person is truly good and honest and simple and then other times, SH*T.

I wish sh*t didn’t exist but I guess that’s what makes the world go round?

This might be an American thing. Maybe in other cultures, people are brutal. They don’t tiptoe around a subject, just call things as they see them. I may or may not like this approach.

Why I wouldn’t like this – if it’s negative of course, they go at you with what seems like a bat. Beating you down with hard facts and harsh truths. If it’s positive, then no guessing games need to be played and your mind is saved from the workout it’s often put through when thinking “what do you really mean?”

I want to remain myself though. I like trying to find the best in someone and thinking that that liar is someone’s child so I shouldn’t be so cold. But I know killers are someone’s child too (not that liars and killers are in the same league) so maybe I am a bit naive? Or maybe I haven’t truly felt that earth shattering burn whip me into a volcano, leaving me with a feeling of sheer pain and ruin? I could have only experienced baby burns that heal and don’t leave wounds deep enough for me to realize the lies of today. But no, that isn’t true. I’ve been burned. Not volcano burned but I do have tiny aches and pains that flair up as a result of a past liar.

So shite. Yes, there’s lots of it in the world. Spewing forth from the mouths of leaders, friends and enemies. You can smell it some of the time but other times, you barely know it’s there. Wade your way through it though. Know when to identify it and you should be fine. I know I’m working on it. And don’t worry honest but real people, I still give everyone the benefit of the doubt and will hopefully know you for who you really are. haha Trust me, if I really don’t want to bother with you, I won’t at all.