October in London

It’s October of 2016! How in the world did that happen? I remember when the year just started and I was in NYC dreaming of all the things I would and could do this year.

Now I feel like 2017 is just around the corner and it’s just… wow. Not to mention, I’m still in London going through life trials and tribulations. Meeting new people who have been encouraging to me when they have no real reason to be (I’m a stranger), hard talks and realities thrown on me by people I’d never suspect (I’m not a stranger) and just running into random experiences and adventures through some unknown will I keep stumbling across. It’s still great. It’s still hard. It’s life.

In one way, time is running out. Well my London time is. I’ve extended my ticket and thought about the big life question that everyone ponders “what’s next?” I have a vague idea. Very foggy and vague I might add, but I’m still going to try for this idea. Part of what’s in that idea is figuring out how to make my European dreams come true. I mean, lots of great Europe things have happened but I believe in always striving for more.

Some amazing things I’ve done as fall set in on me in another country:

  • Assit in editing a video for a Walking Dead promo
  • Help out on a shoot for Ugg
  • Learn more about using software like Premiere and After Effects
  • Learn way more about marketing than I intended (Google Adwords, Mailchimp, Tweedtdeck, etc)
  • Meet incredible people in the London film and production industry with drive and passion as well as lovely social skills (haha)
  • Go to movies in London (simple pleasures)
  • Move into my own place and share with girls that are super nice
  • Make friends despite having a network or good everyday social setting to find them (it’s hard stuff, believe me)
  • Go to a random concert, clubs, bakeries, book store, play
  • Travel to some new cities in Europe
  • Shop a little and grab some cute pieces (even if it hasn’t been warm enough to wear them)
  • Discover things about my self and what I can improve

That’s just a small bit of the list but there are plenty of things, including bad, that have in the end helped me to have a better understanding about what I want. I know that may be a selfish statement and it is, but it’s also not in some ways (learning more about how I want to treat others vs how people treat(ed) me is one way in wish it’s more people friendly).

I’m glad to be here, in London in October. I do admit I wasn’t sure if that would happen but I’ve been making it since June. If only I could find a way to make it last for as long as I chose. I mean, maybe I can and will stumble into that situation but overall I’m just glad… and grateful.

So yeah, that’s just a bit of my thoughts on making it to London and living here. It’s been crazy but I don’t regret even in my weak moments of disappointment and negativity.

 

Joe & The Juice Musings

I’m sitting in this Brooklyn-esque coffee shop/juice bar in London, reading a book about lessening worry.

I’m not sure it will actually help me. If at the end of the day, it’s just me wasting money since I’ve already been making my own efforts to worry less, well at least no one can say that I didn’t try! haha

So far, the book outlines the art of worry and how things in the past should remain as such – in the past. But while reading, this thought popped up. I started thinking about why I worry and the things I worry about and at the end of the day, it all stems from other people.

I think you should be able to tell others your opinions but at what point are others opinions someone else’s worries. Is it the individual’s fault for letting someone else’s words invade their minds to the point of stress and anxiety? Maybe. But when should others just shut their trap and live their own life (be it miserable or full of happiness)?

I consider myself a curious open minded person but as I get older and start to get more confused about life, I start to wish others just kept their ill informed opinions to themselves. Maybe that’s where the mean old lady stereotype comes from, young girls tired of being confused by life and receiving unwarranted thoughts morphing them into b*tch. But I kid. I mean, I don’t truly wish to not hear other perspectives. I still admit that I like to hear what goes on in another person’s brain out of curiosity. It’ll then lead me down a road where I’ll try to analyze the nuts off what was said or done when I really don’t need to go into super-sleuth “what did you really mean” mode. I need to stop that. It’s not like someone will confirm my analysis. It will forever be a hypothetical.

But worry. I don’t like it. It adds years onto you, makes you tired and often causes you to be blind to happiness and joy of the here and now. I don’t want that to be me and I don’t think that is me. I do wish that it were easier to hear other people without letting their idiotic thoughts about what you should do and where you should be get to you. And on that note, there is no “should.” There just is when it comes to your life. And if there is a “should,” it’s your should not someone else’s notions.

Don’t let someone fill your head with ways you’re inadequate or how you suck. I mean maybe people aren’t doing that and I’m reading between the lines when there actually isn’t any space to read. But what I’m learning is that if you’re true to you then worry will start to fall away.

If worry is burdening you because of others words then stop it! Learn to recognize what you find important and necessary and just do it/live by it. As long as you gave it your all, things will somehow find their way to nice ending.

 

Impulse Control, See Ya Never

Sometimes you make life harder than it needs to be.

I might just be talking to myself. Actually, not might, I am. But I’m also talking to anyone else that feels confused or anxious.

Life is hard. It’s just a fact. But I sometimes think life is made harder by overthinking what you want vs what makes sense. Well, it’s only hard for those of us who have been trained to check your impulses and follow the “rules.”

Most days I want to say F*** rules. Not because I’m rebellious or seeking a way to defy but because life isn’t clear cut and you have to do a few stupid things to really learn and even succeed.

I think people that know me don’t think I screw up or make impulsive decisions. I do! Maybe not as much as the carefree friend you know that jumps off buildings or just sleeps around (two different types of impulses haha) but I am up for taking chances – I just get nervous.

It’s hard putting yourself out there in whatever way  you choose (romantic, professional, friendship, etc). There are so many hurdles you’re trying to jump and just when you’ve cleared five back to back, a wild one appears out of nowhere to make you hit the pavement face first. Anyone would be scared of this, cause it hurts!! But sometimes these falls need to happen. You need to get hurt and see a little blood. Not so much to ground you but to help you learn how to better anticipate and live your life.

I mean, I don’t like feeling dumb. No one does. But I think it is necessary. I’ll keep dreading those moments but at the end of the day, I probably needed to give into an impulse or two and be dumb. I need to let life just happen and go for it without thinking too much about hurdles my peers or even parents have tripped over and linger in my mind.

Their hurdles are their hurdles, not mine. Just because they fell over them doesn’t mean I will. But that doesn’t mean I have the right to be completely stupid and do everything and more of what others did because “that just can’t happen to me.” You’re just lying to yourself if you think otherwise.

Back to my point though, impulses. It’s important to give into sometimes. I don’t want think back on things I’d wish were accomplished or at least attempted. You need some reckless in your life and at the end of the day, I think my life would be better lived if I gave less f***s and just did and said what I wanted (within reason, haha).

 

Manchester Madness

Manchester is a city that when spoken about amongst Londoners, has them scoffing at the thought of any tourist actually wanting to check it out.

At least, that was what I encountered when I went there a few weeks ago but I didn’t let the negative words or laughs at my attempt to explore the UK stop me. I hopped on a Virgin train into the vibrant city that was once the shining gem in the UK crown.

Manchester is a beautiful city that is typically undermined by the rain and grey mist of clouds that hover over. There’s a large amount to do: restaurants, shopping centers, theater, nightlife and more.

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The photo above is a shot of Deansgate. It’s a popular street home to a lot of pubs and a few clubs. You can basically walk this long endless road and run into a variety of options to party your night away. I ended up at one club (the name of which is escaping me but is in fact on Deansgate) that required me to pay an entry fee that went into the double digits. I decided to fork over the cash as I wanted to have a good night and I was promised all the drinks I could swallow before 10 PM (I powered through four large glasses of champagne in an hour). The music was ok and the venue was a nice space but it was literally empty for the entire time I was there. I stayed from like 9 PM until 11:30 PM. I guess I could have stayed longer but when you’re at a club by yourself for more than 2 hours and no one is there to really talk to, things get old quick. I did text a few friends at home in the states but again, it gets old.

I probably chose wrong in regards to club but it was generally a good deal since I had a lot of drinks and there were free snacks. I do know that you can have a good time in Manchester though for way less money than is required in London. Just make sure you choose better than me!

Manchester food. I was starved my first day and ended up at Byron which I thought was a local burger joint but later realized it was a chain restaurant all over the UK.

Byron Burgers was freaking awesome! The burger was so tasty and the mac and cheese, DELICIOUS! It’s a must eat if you ask me and the price isn’t terrible. The restaurant was also a nice way to hide from the rainy mist that came down the first day I arrived. Just think, had it not rained, I would have never bothered to try Byron Burgers. I think Manchester earned loads of cool points just for that fact. Thanks rain!

Later on in my trip, I went to this cute cafe for breakfast on my last day called Teacup. They had a huge selection of teas and beautiful decor. I ordered a breakfast scone with rose tea and imagine my delight when they came out with a tea timer to ensure I had the perfect cup of tea! I was a bit confused as to how it worked but super delighted by it. It made me feel as if I were at a tea party thrown by the girliest girl known to man. Overall it was a nice breakfast. A definite must try if you have a super sweet tooth. Very sugary scone.

I also tried to have some local fare which was a meat pie. Um, I should have went back to Byron. I mean it was ok (I went to a place called Pie & Ale) but wished it was better for the price I paid. I also ordered potato skins with bacon and cheese and what I got, maybe I’m just used to American skins. I would not recommend ordering.

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The city is rich with history! I went on an unofficial tour of Manchester hosted by a guy who is from the city and recently graduated from university. The tour is listed on Facebook and is free but he does ask for donations if you enjoy the tour and what he shared. The guy is Really good! He takes the whole group around Manchester shedding light on the music scene, the gay district, the history of Vimto, where Victoria and David Beckham had their first date, museums and more. It’s great and a really nice way to spend a few hours in Manchester as well as get to know the area. You literally walk everywhere. At the end of the tour I went to a show recommended by the guide in this special round theater . The show was full of inside jokes about being from Manchester and the UK as the play chronicled the life of a growing boy in Manchester and his obsession with ping pong. I was able to catch on to the inside jokes fairly quickly but I’m glad I made myself check out the show.

As for where I stayed, I was at the YHA hostel. It was clean and good for just a basic place to rest your head. Nothing to run home and tell mom about especially seeing as our room had this really weird porto toilet but again, it was fine to sleep in for the weekend.

I feel like my negative points or notes on what I didn’t like about my trip might be outshining the overall post but Manchester was really great. I learned so much about how Manchester played a part in the slave trade, the influence on the music scene and just the general bustling nature of the city. Lots to do but everyone isn’t in a rush.

If you want pop into a European city, check out Manchester. I promise Londoners are just a little full of themselves here. haha

Possible Story?!

So while on my crazy trip, I realized that I do enjoy writing. I’m constantly pondering outcomes and this exercise is a good way of getting things out whilst being creative. I’m currently pondering writing a short story (or longer one).

Below is a first look at my really rough draft of something. Comments welcome (DON’T STEAL MY GENIUS, haha)!

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I can’t recall the last time I felt completely secure.

Maybe that’s my fault for being so dependent on others. But actually, I think it’s my parents fault. They never considered me to be an adult or allowed me to figure things out on my own. It was do this and do that. Like a robot, I complied without putting up a fight. Why though? Was it because it was and is my personality? But wasn’t my personality shaped by the people who raised me? So the answer is, my parents are to blame.

I see the stars in the sky and feel the sand and wind whipping past my face.  Holding a bottle of wine in one hand and a stolen wallet in the other, I’ve never felt so confused and alone. I’m fighting back tears, trying to figure out where I went wrong. Why is my life such a mess and how is it possible to feel so insecure? My 30th birthday is a month away and right now, all I want to do is just make it all stop. Freeze time. But maybe I should go back to the beginning.

My parents are happily divorced. Siblings, none. Me, I’m Becky. It isn’t short for Rebecca so get that out of your mind now.

I grew up in Connecticut, in a modest home to middle class parents. My mom and dad were college sweethearts. Married a year after graduation because they were madly in love and knew they would make it till the end. About three years into their marriage, they had me. Little Becky. A curly brown haired girl with green eyes and a few freckles. I was adorable and my parents had the perfect little family.

I don’t remember much about my childhood or rather, the details of it – birthday parties, family trips, milestones and the like. There are plenty of pictures and home movies to look back on but for some reason, all of those memories don’t really stick with me. I remember random facts like the TV shows I’d watch after school or the soccer games I played from middle school straight through to high school. It’s not that anything traumatic happened then, I just push those memories out. I’m not sure why.

I do remember how I felt and how people perceived me. At every family function, I was the odd one, the quiet one, the one who wouldn’t dare look you in the eyes. Everyone would say “look at me when I’m talking to you” and I would reluctantly do so, terrified of offending anyone. I always felt awkward because of this and my dad didn’t help make things any better or help me get over this unnatural fear.

He’s not a bad guy. In fact, he’s well respected. The man everyone goes to for advice BUT I do remember how he’d always try to fill my head with…..

Sifting Through Sh*T

Some days, I feel like I’m wading my way through steaming piles of manure.

Is it my face? My naive look? My willingness to try to see the good in the terrible? How is it possible for someone who looks like a calm, kind and reasonable person to look me in the eyes and tell me something they know is complete and utter shite?

I know how it’s possible and I can’t act like I don’t BS people myself but lately, I feel people are trying to try me (yes, I said it). haha

In the adulting world, people lie without giving it a second thought. They lie about age, salary, the rules, work, who they are, etc. It can be difficult to know what really is truth. Because of this known fact, I find myself overcompensating and analyzing every face, word, tone and body movement to get to the meat of what someone is really telling me.

Does this work? Meh.

There are times when I meet people who aren’t telling me BS and are actually doing them, that’s fine. I welcome that BUT with the amount of people who do lie to me, I sometimes confuse those honest truth tellers with those shady people trying to get one up on me.

I wish I could easily decipher what’s going on. Like, there should be a little alarm that goes off and tells me “Alert, alert, liar approaching. They are spinning a work of fiction, a motion picture, right in front of you.” There is some sort of alarm. I think that’s intuition (relating back to my old post about gut instinct) but then sometimes, I think “No, they aren’t lying to me. What reason could they have?” Half the time I’m right and the person is truly good and honest and simple and then other times, SH*T.

I wish sh*t didn’t exist but I guess that’s what makes the world go round?

This might be an American thing. Maybe in other cultures, people are brutal. They don’t tiptoe around a subject, just call things as they see them. I may or may not like this approach.

Why I wouldn’t like this – if it’s negative of course, they go at you with what seems like a bat. Beating you down with hard facts and harsh truths. If it’s positive, then no guessing games need to be played and your mind is saved from the workout it’s often put through when thinking “what do you really mean?”

I want to remain myself though. I like trying to find the best in someone and thinking that that liar is someone’s child so I shouldn’t be so cold. But I know killers are someone’s child too (not that liars and killers are in the same league) so maybe I am a bit naive? Or maybe I haven’t truly felt that earth shattering burn whip me into a volcano, leaving me with a feeling of sheer pain and ruin? I could have only experienced baby burns that heal and don’t leave wounds deep enough for me to realize the lies of today. But no, that isn’t true. I’ve been burned. Not volcano burned but I do have tiny aches and pains that flair up as a result of a past liar.

So shite. Yes, there’s lots of it in the world. Spewing forth from the mouths of leaders, friends and enemies. You can smell it some of the time but other times, you barely know it’s there. Wade your way through it though. Know when to identify it and you should be fine. I know I’m working on it. And don’t worry honest but real people, I still give everyone the benefit of the doubt and will hopefully know you for who you really are. haha Trust me, if I really don’t want to bother with you, I won’t at all.

 

Me And My Mortality

**I promise you I’m a relatively happy person. I enjoy life and I’m not a goth.haha**

Death. I’ve always been greatly aware of it. I can’t recall a time when I was shielded from what happened to pets, old family members or people in the neighborhood. No one tried to sugar coat anything, they would simply answer any questions my young mind conjured with something along the lines of “they’re dead or they’ve passed on.”

Why am I talking about death? Am I a grim person with a grim outlook on life? I don’t think so. Actually, I find that I often try to look for the positive or magic in life as realities (especially the ones I encountered once I entered the post college world) are quite harsh, rough and uncomfortable. I extremely dislike that feeling. The feeling of being uncomfortable and living in a world where positives and hope for the best are squashed by self serving rude people who want to take everything you have and leave you alone, somewhere in a dark place wondering where you went wrong.

But I digress, death and the fact that I one day will meet my maker has always been looming somewhere in the back of my mind. It’s not exactly a comforting fact. It’s important to be mindful of this as I think it does help to motivate in ways people may not have even bothered to attempt to live life but for me, it produces a level of anxiety.

Why anxiety? It’s that time factor.

I only have so many years on this earth and I don’t know when it will all end. That sounds morbid but it’s true. I want to make an impact. It doesn’t have to be something for the whole world to see but I want to be proud of what I do. I want to know that I used my time wisely and did everything I could to live a happy and fulfilled life because, what else can I do?

For me, in order to do this it means achieving certain goals I set for myself no matter how trivial or deep. I want to be my best self (but doesn’t everybody). I don’t want to have regrets (or too many of them) and I want to know that I tried my best and if I looked stupid, felt awkward or embarrassed, at least it was for something I thought was worth it. My mortality makes me want to do these things and forces me to shoot for the stars but it also gives me that anxiety.

Maybe it’s a millennial problem but I feel as if I only have so much time to make it all (all being my goals or some variation of it) happen. I’m a broken record. I think millennials were brought into a world obsessed with death. Not intentionally though.

We’re surrounded by news that tells us about people flipping their lid and killing others over hate. Everyday there is more news about it. We were around when 9/11 happened and things never quite seemed the same. We were here to see the rise of tech and fads that all have their quick moment and end before you even really had a chance to understand it. Everything seems so temporary and I’m not a fan of temporary. I enjoy good moments and know things can’t last forever but I’m also traditional – I like to have things for a bit.

I make no sense.

This is kind of a diary entry but my mortality motivates me and makes me anxious. I’m not afraid of dying (I don’t think), I’m just afraid I can’t accomplish what I want in time. Well, at least I tried.

 

 

 

When to Call It Quits?

I don’t mean for this to be a demotivating post nor do I want anyone to read into it but I felt it was a topic I needed to tackle. When do you call it quits?

I was taught that I shouldn’t give up on things, even when they seemed hard or nearly impossible. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. But is it possible to be completely naive to when enough is enough? When you’ve given it all you’ve got but it still isn’t working out. I think so.

I may not look like it at first glance but I don’t like to back down from a challenge, even if that challenge doesn’t interest me. I aliken this to Marty McFly in Back to the Future. He’s a decent sensible guy but when someone dares him to do something and calls him chicken, he CAN’T back down. Drag race, stealing, fighting, you name it! The word chicken sends him into a spiral where he cannot refuse the challenge in front of him. Now I don’t greet challenges such as jumping off bridges or robbing stores but I do like to stay in something I’m presented with for the long haul.

I want to give the opportunity or person a fair shake and sometimes that means putting in more time and energy just to come to the same conclusion you had at the beginning. That it isn’t going to work. Some would call this gut instinct.

I was chatting with my sister about this to get her point of view. Although she is a year younger than me, I enjoy hearing what she and others have to say. I don’t take there word as gospel but for me, a new perspective helps me sort things out and figure out what’s next. What she basically told me is she’s living her life with the Murtaugh rule as seen in How I Met Your Mother.

When she feels her chain being yanked by boys, superiors or family, she thinks to herself “I’m too old for this stuff.” Why waste my time and my life on something I already know isn’t good for me. I’m too old and value myself too much to go through all this waste for not. I’m not getting anything but a pain in my side. I’m giving all of my effort to something that isn’t going to payout the way I want. Boy Bai.

It made sense. I am too old for this stuff. If it takes me looking at myself as an elder than so be it, as long as I know when and where to devote my effort. I’ll call it quits when I feel like I’m too old for this. Gut instinct does exist. You can have a vibe about something or someone and no matter how much you don’t want it to be true, it tends to fall out just as you had hoped that it wouldn’t. What I think is important to remember however when placing value in your gut or Murtaugh rule is actually knowing when to listen.

For me that moment comes after a month. This isn’t a science or widely tested hypothesis but the way I feel about something a month in is generally how I will continue to feel. If I think a guy seems interesting but sense he has an issue that probably won’t workout in the long haul, I’m right. The optimist in me wants to give you a chance and I often do but in the end, I should have just squashed it before I got squashed. Or the case of a job, if I’m feeling bored or unappreciated and I’ve done everything in my power to show I AM a person to watch but I’m still being ignored, then it’s time to go.

There are always things that pop up that aren’t exactly rule. Like my first apartment. I think I hated it for the first three months and by the time it was over, I was sad to leave. I wanted to call it quits on that place but I didn’t and I’m glad I stayed.

Life is so hard to navigate and knowing when things are worth giving up with would make it so much better. I guess at the end of the day, life is suppose to be mysterious like that. You aren’t really supposed to know, you just do and hope you’re making the right decision. At the end of the day, you learn to live with what you did, take those lessons to heart and apply them to your next opportunity to help you move into quitting or staying put territory.

I Got My Hair Wet! #Help Malta Diving

Malta. I was inspired to check out this sunny European city after seeing one of my favorite vloggers on YouTube head there in a past video. With expectations of fun times, sun, sand and a chance to find a real beach this summer while staying in London, I made my way down to the island.

Unsure of what to do as this was one of my many solo trips, I decided to check out one activity that seems to be HOT on the island, diving.

After a bit of research into local facilities and places within walking distance of my hostel, I came across Divewise.

Divewise is located right next to party central on St. Julians, Paceville. The facilities are clean, easy to spot and the staff are quite friendly.

As a person who has never dived before and had no idea what to expect, I was pretty nervous about going through with it. The thought of chickening out did pass through my mind but within a moment’s notice, my instructor showed up at my hostel to pick me up for my morning lesson. Nice one! A personal valet for a diving lesson? Definitely threw some more cool points Divewise’s way.

My instructor, Lee, was very friendly. He chatted with me in the car about the island, the diving course and gave me some insight on what to expect but when we arrived at the facility, things got real.

Tanks, fins, masks – my belief in my ability to swim and not drown started to wain. I wasn’t confident about everything that was about to go down but then my instructor Lee reassured me with the help of a pamphlet and a diving skills overview.

When the other two students from my intro to diving class arrived (the class was only three people including myself, making it perfect to have a one on one skills session), Lee went over the four basics we needed to know while diving. He familiarized us with all the equipment, showed us how they functioned and then had us do a mini test to make sure we were fit to dive and were paying attention.

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He then came by and checked with us our sizing information and gave us wetsuits, boots, fins and even fitted us for swimming masks.

Let me just say, wetsuits are tight! It’s more than just trying to squeeze into a pair of jeans. It’s really hard to get into them but you can do it if you try. I eventually managed to do it successfully and then Lee came by to help fit us with our diving tank backpack.

IMG_2760.jpgWhen we were all ready, it was time to go into the sea to run through skills. Practicing clearing our masks of water, reinserting our breathing tubes, leveling our pressure, etc, we were doing everything possible to ensure a safe dive.

I must admit that for some reason, my brain had a hard time figuring out how to clear my mask of water but Lee made sure each us mastered it before we even attempted diving. I felt very well watched and taken care of, alleviating any fear of drowning.

When we were all set, it was time to go on a dive! We followed Lee, swimming through the sea and watching all the fish pass by. It was truly an amazing one of a kind experience. Seeing everything so close up and doing something I had never done before, it really was and is thrilling!

Again, I also felt super taken care of as during the dive, Lee kept checking with each of us to make sure we were ok. He helped us get our balance, clear our masks, and even added weight to my belt while in the water as I kept floating around and was unable to stay low to the sea floor.IMG_2735

Now there are a ton of diving shops on Malta but I must say that my experience with Divewise was excellent. They were super attentive and even offered to drop me off at my hostel once the dive was finished. If you’re looking to try your hand at diving or just try a fun water sport with great people (the staff are beyond friendly), then please go to Divewise. You won’t regret it nor will you mind getting your hair wet!

 

 

That Time I Was Older Than Some People

I’ve just got back from a trip to Manchester (more on that to come in another blog post) but I felt the need to write about a recent thing I’ve been noticing on my travels and interactions with people. I’m no longer the youngest person around.

Me, I’ve never been a fan of my birthday. For many reasons, one of which being it is right on top of the Christmas holiday, but also because it means I’m growing older. I don’t despise getting older as that means I’m still living/alive but I don’t like being an adult. I don’t feel like adult and my appearance makes people less inclined to treat me as such (I’ve been told I look young so I’m glad for that).

Being an adult means responsibilities and new pressures I was naively unaware of until they fell in my lap. Fairy tale stories on how things should and would be aren’t really happening in the way I expected. These are things I find hard to swallow. I’m still in my twenties but there are things I have yet to accomplish or even experience and that puts me on edge.

But back to the point at hand, adulting. Recently I’ve noticed that whenever I gather with groups of people that I think are my age, I come to find that I’m three or four years older. I didn’t know what to do with this at first. I felt betrayed by my birth if that makes any sense.haha Should I be embarrassed? Should I act like I know it all? The answer was there was no real way to behave but I’ve started to feel less “upset” by the fact that I’m older.

I’m more aware of myself and what I want (though I still have not a clue what that is) and I do feel more capable of giving my opinion and feeling confident in it. I know that I’ve dealt with characters that have informed how I approach new situations in my life and it feels good to be more assured in this respect. Again, I’m still clueless about how my life will play out and if what I’m doing is really right but I do know that I can make a decision and follow through as there is nothing to lose.

What am I talking about really? Nothing and everything. Life is hard but you can figure it out. And don’t feel bad about being a little older than most, you’ve met more people that can help you deal with new experiences down the line.