Joe & The Juice Musings

I’m sitting in this Brooklyn-esque coffee shop/juice bar in London, reading a book about lessening worry.

I’m not sure it will actually help me. If at the end of the day, it’s just me wasting money since I’ve already been making my own efforts to worry less, well at least no one can say that I didn’t try! haha

So far, the book outlines the art of worry and how things in the past should remain as such – in the past. But while reading, this thought popped up. I started thinking about why I worry and the things I worry about and at the end of the day, it all stems from other people.

I think you should be able to tell others your opinions but at what point are others opinions someone else’s worries. Is it the individual’s fault for letting someone else’s words invade their minds to the point of stress and anxiety? Maybe. But when should others just shut their trap and live their own life (be it miserable or full of happiness)?

I consider myself a curious open minded person but as I get older and start to get more confused about life, I start to wish others just kept their ill informed opinions to themselves. Maybe that’s where the mean old lady stereotype comes from, young girls tired of being confused by life and receiving unwarranted thoughts morphing them into b*tch. But I kid. I mean, I don’t truly wish to not hear other perspectives. I still admit that I like to hear what goes on in another person’s brain out of curiosity. It’ll then lead me down a road where I’ll try to analyze the nuts off what was said or done when I really don’t need to go into super-sleuth “what did you really mean” mode. I need to stop that. It’s not like someone will confirm my analysis. It will forever be a hypothetical.

But worry. I don’t like it. It adds years onto you, makes you tired and often causes you to be blind to happiness and joy of the here and now. I don’t want that to be me and I don’t think that is me. I do wish that it were easier to hear other people without letting their idiotic thoughts about what you should do and where you should be get to you. And on that note, there is no “should.” There just is when it comes to your life. And if there is a “should,” it’s your should not someone else’s notions.

Don’t let someone fill your head with ways you’re inadequate or how you suck. I mean maybe people aren’t doing that and I’m reading between the lines when there actually isn’t any space to read. But what I’m learning is that if you’re true to you then worry will start to fall away.

If worry is burdening you because of others words then stop it! Learn to recognize what you find important and necessary and just do it/live by it. As long as you gave it your all, things will somehow find their way to nice ending.

 

Impulse Control, See Ya Never

Sometimes you make life harder than it needs to be.

I might just be talking to myself. Actually, not might, I am. But I’m also talking to anyone else that feels confused or anxious.

Life is hard. It’s just a fact. But I sometimes think life is made harder by overthinking what you want vs what makes sense. Well, it’s only hard for those of us who have been trained to check your impulses and follow the “rules.”

Most days I want to say F*** rules. Not because I’m rebellious or seeking a way to defy but because life isn’t clear cut and you have to do a few stupid things to really learn and even succeed.

I think people that know me don’t think I screw up or make impulsive decisions. I do! Maybe not as much as the carefree friend you know that jumps off buildings or just sleeps around (two different types of impulses haha) but I am up for taking chances – I just get nervous.

It’s hard putting yourself out there in whatever way  you choose (romantic, professional, friendship, etc). There are so many hurdles you’re trying to jump and just when you’ve cleared five back to back, a wild one appears out of nowhere to make you hit the pavement face first. Anyone would be scared of this, cause it hurts!! But sometimes these falls need to happen. You need to get hurt and see a little blood. Not so much to ground you but to help you learn how to better anticipate and live your life.

I mean, I don’t like feeling dumb. No one does. But I think it is necessary. I’ll keep dreading those moments but at the end of the day, I probably needed to give into an impulse or two and be dumb. I need to let life just happen and go for it without thinking too much about hurdles my peers or even parents have tripped over and linger in my mind.

Their hurdles are their hurdles, not mine. Just because they fell over them doesn’t mean I will. But that doesn’t mean I have the right to be completely stupid and do everything and more of what others did because “that just can’t happen to me.” You’re just lying to yourself if you think otherwise.

Back to my point though, impulses. It’s important to give into sometimes. I don’t want think back on things I’d wish were accomplished or at least attempted. You need some reckless in your life and at the end of the day, I think my life would be better lived if I gave less f***s and just did and said what I wanted (within reason, haha).

 

Sifting Through Sh*T

Some days, I feel like I’m wading my way through steaming piles of manure.

Is it my face? My naive look? My willingness to try to see the good in the terrible? How is it possible for someone who looks like a calm, kind and reasonable person to look me in the eyes and tell me something they know is complete and utter shite?

I know how it’s possible and I can’t act like I don’t BS people myself but lately, I feel people are trying to try me (yes, I said it). haha

In the adulting world, people lie without giving it a second thought. They lie about age, salary, the rules, work, who they are, etc. It can be difficult to know what really is truth. Because of this known fact, I find myself overcompensating and analyzing every face, word, tone and body movement to get to the meat of what someone is really telling me.

Does this work? Meh.

There are times when I meet people who aren’t telling me BS and are actually doing them, that’s fine. I welcome that BUT with the amount of people who do lie to me, I sometimes confuse those honest truth tellers with those shady people trying to get one up on me.

I wish I could easily decipher what’s going on. Like, there should be a little alarm that goes off and tells me “Alert, alert, liar approaching. They are spinning a work of fiction, a motion picture, right in front of you.” There is some sort of alarm. I think that’s intuition (relating back to my old post about gut instinct) but then sometimes, I think “No, they aren’t lying to me. What reason could they have?” Half the time I’m right and the person is truly good and honest and simple and then other times, SH*T.

I wish sh*t didn’t exist but I guess that’s what makes the world go round?

This might be an American thing. Maybe in other cultures, people are brutal. They don’t tiptoe around a subject, just call things as they see them. I may or may not like this approach.

Why I wouldn’t like this – if it’s negative of course, they go at you with what seems like a bat. Beating you down with hard facts and harsh truths. If it’s positive, then no guessing games need to be played and your mind is saved from the workout it’s often put through when thinking “what do you really mean?”

I want to remain myself though. I like trying to find the best in someone and thinking that that liar is someone’s child so I shouldn’t be so cold. But I know killers are someone’s child too (not that liars and killers are in the same league) so maybe I am a bit naive? Or maybe I haven’t truly felt that earth shattering burn whip me into a volcano, leaving me with a feeling of sheer pain and ruin? I could have only experienced baby burns that heal and don’t leave wounds deep enough for me to realize the lies of today. But no, that isn’t true. I’ve been burned. Not volcano burned but I do have tiny aches and pains that flair up as a result of a past liar.

So shite. Yes, there’s lots of it in the world. Spewing forth from the mouths of leaders, friends and enemies. You can smell it some of the time but other times, you barely know it’s there. Wade your way through it though. Know when to identify it and you should be fine. I know I’m working on it. And don’t worry honest but real people, I still give everyone the benefit of the doubt and will hopefully know you for who you really are. haha Trust me, if I really don’t want to bother with you, I won’t at all.

 

Me And My Mortality

**I promise you I’m a relatively happy person. I enjoy life and I’m not a goth.haha**

Death. I’ve always been greatly aware of it. I can’t recall a time when I was shielded from what happened to pets, old family members or people in the neighborhood. No one tried to sugar coat anything, they would simply answer any questions my young mind conjured with something along the lines of “they’re dead or they’ve passed on.”

Why am I talking about death? Am I a grim person with a grim outlook on life? I don’t think so. Actually, I find that I often try to look for the positive or magic in life as realities (especially the ones I encountered once I entered the post college world) are quite harsh, rough and uncomfortable. I extremely dislike that feeling. The feeling of being uncomfortable and living in a world where positives and hope for the best are squashed by self serving rude people who want to take everything you have and leave you alone, somewhere in a dark place wondering where you went wrong.

But I digress, death and the fact that I one day will meet my maker has always been looming somewhere in the back of my mind. It’s not exactly a comforting fact. It’s important to be mindful of this as I think it does help to motivate in ways people may not have even bothered to attempt to live life but for me, it produces a level of anxiety.

Why anxiety? It’s that time factor.

I only have so many years on this earth and I don’t know when it will all end. That sounds morbid but it’s true. I want to make an impact. It doesn’t have to be something for the whole world to see but I want to be proud of what I do. I want to know that I used my time wisely and did everything I could to live a happy and fulfilled life because, what else can I do?

For me, in order to do this it means achieving certain goals I set for myself no matter how trivial or deep. I want to be my best self (but doesn’t everybody). I don’t want to have regrets (or too many of them) and I want to know that I tried my best and if I looked stupid, felt awkward or embarrassed, at least it was for something I thought was worth it. My mortality makes me want to do these things and forces me to shoot for the stars but it also gives me that anxiety.

Maybe it’s a millennial problem but I feel as if I only have so much time to make it all (all being my goals or some variation of it) happen. I’m a broken record. I think millennials were brought into a world obsessed with death. Not intentionally though.

We’re surrounded by news that tells us about people flipping their lid and killing others over hate. Everyday there is more news about it. We were around when 9/11 happened and things never quite seemed the same. We were here to see the rise of tech and fads that all have their quick moment and end before you even really had a chance to understand it. Everything seems so temporary and I’m not a fan of temporary. I enjoy good moments and know things can’t last forever but I’m also traditional – I like to have things for a bit.

I make no sense.

This is kind of a diary entry but my mortality motivates me and makes me anxious. I’m not afraid of dying (I don’t think), I’m just afraid I can’t accomplish what I want in time. Well, at least I tried.

 

 

 

When to Call It Quits?

I don’t mean for this to be a demotivating post nor do I want anyone to read into it but I felt it was a topic I needed to tackle. When do you call it quits?

I was taught that I shouldn’t give up on things, even when they seemed hard or nearly impossible. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. But is it possible to be completely naive to when enough is enough? When you’ve given it all you’ve got but it still isn’t working out. I think so.

I may not look like it at first glance but I don’t like to back down from a challenge, even if that challenge doesn’t interest me. I aliken this to Marty McFly in Back to the Future. He’s a decent sensible guy but when someone dares him to do something and calls him chicken, he CAN’T back down. Drag race, stealing, fighting, you name it! The word chicken sends him into a spiral where he cannot refuse the challenge in front of him. Now I don’t greet challenges such as jumping off bridges or robbing stores but I do like to stay in something I’m presented with for the long haul.

I want to give the opportunity or person a fair shake and sometimes that means putting in more time and energy just to come to the same conclusion you had at the beginning. That it isn’t going to work. Some would call this gut instinct.

I was chatting with my sister about this to get her point of view. Although she is a year younger than me, I enjoy hearing what she and others have to say. I don’t take there word as gospel but for me, a new perspective helps me sort things out and figure out what’s next. What she basically told me is she’s living her life with the Murtaugh rule as seen in How I Met Your Mother.

When she feels her chain being yanked by boys, superiors or family, she thinks to herself “I’m too old for this stuff.” Why waste my time and my life on something I already know isn’t good for me. I’m too old and value myself too much to go through all this waste for not. I’m not getting anything but a pain in my side. I’m giving all of my effort to something that isn’t going to payout the way I want. Boy Bai.

It made sense. I am too old for this stuff. If it takes me looking at myself as an elder than so be it, as long as I know when and where to devote my effort. I’ll call it quits when I feel like I’m too old for this. Gut instinct does exist. You can have a vibe about something or someone and no matter how much you don’t want it to be true, it tends to fall out just as you had hoped that it wouldn’t. What I think is important to remember however when placing value in your gut or Murtaugh rule is actually knowing when to listen.

For me that moment comes after a month. This isn’t a science or widely tested hypothesis but the way I feel about something a month in is generally how I will continue to feel. If I think a guy seems interesting but sense he has an issue that probably won’t workout in the long haul, I’m right. The optimist in me wants to give you a chance and I often do but in the end, I should have just squashed it before I got squashed. Or the case of a job, if I’m feeling bored or unappreciated and I’ve done everything in my power to show I AM a person to watch but I’m still being ignored, then it’s time to go.

There are always things that pop up that aren’t exactly rule. Like my first apartment. I think I hated it for the first three months and by the time it was over, I was sad to leave. I wanted to call it quits on that place but I didn’t and I’m glad I stayed.

Life is so hard to navigate and knowing when things are worth giving up with would make it so much better. I guess at the end of the day, life is suppose to be mysterious like that. You aren’t really supposed to know, you just do and hope you’re making the right decision. At the end of the day, you learn to live with what you did, take those lessons to heart and apply them to your next opportunity to help you move into quitting or staying put territory.