Catch Up With Me

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I’ve completely lost any sort of schedule I may have had for this blog. I firstly want to say sorry. I didn’t mean to. I got caught up with things going on which include traveling/living in London temporarily, enjoying time with my boyfriend, learning about film production, networking with various producers, trying to see friends and family, writing a bit for Huffpost, looking for job prospects, etc. You name it, I’ve probably been trying to sort something out in that arena.

So right now, although I know I owe multiple Sicily stories, I’m catching you up on me and my thoughts. What’s changed? I still find life hard, or rather, challenging. Every day is a new battle. I’m fighting negative thoughts of what am I doing with my life (as in, who do I think I am, taking time off again to be in London like I’m some sort of privileged individual). Thinking, did I mess up? Should I have stayed longer and earned more money at my previous job? Thinking, where are you actually getting on your quest of applications, new business emails, networking and the like. But I need to give myself more credit. I’ve done a lot and been through a lot.

These past two and half months (nearly three!), I’ve had a lot of happy moments and trying ones. I’ve doubted my ability to succeed and earn a living up to my standards (nice quality of life where I can help some family members if they need but also take care of myself to do the new things I’ve grown accustomed to doing (travel, nice brunches, etc).

I want so much but I want to be grateful. I also don’t want to want for too much either. Like, I don’t want to be greedy but I don’t plan on denying myself things that I’m capable of getting and making happen.

I want others around me who are striving for things and putting their all into it, to get what they want. I want people to achieve because I think if you put in a lot of effort, don’t let people talk you out of things or let self doubt throw you into a spiral, your dreams can come true.

Me, I’m trying. I’m still optimistic about what I can do and how it can be done. I’m not being naive – I think I’m being realistic about it but I need to positive as well. Positivity can change a lot of things for you – how you see certain situations and opportunities. It also can motivate a person into putting themselves into more situations where even better things can result just because you take everything in stride.

That’s what I’m doing. Taking things in stride and learning day by day. That’s my excuse for the lack of blogging. I’ve been hustling as much as I can with the intention of blogging at night but sometimes, my mind just needs a break. Some Youtube clips of The Real, movie reviews and news of Trump and Theresa May have distracted me. I’ll try to do better!

Women’s March + Trump Thoughts

America, what is happening? World, what is happening?

There’s nothing wrong with the Right side in theory. I believe in balance. In Yin and Yang. In dark and light. We need opposing forces at time to counter one another, preventing someone or something from feeling as if they are so powerful that they can do anything.

Now, I feel we are in a time where one side feels they can do anything. The Right.

Daily, I come across or am informed of new articles about right-winged members pushing forward their agenda and calling for a rise of right power around the world (that sounds alarmingly close to another type of power). This scares me. Not because they are the new majority, but because of the statements they are making about what they feel is good for the people seems completely off. Maybe I’m biased. I am liberal. I’d prefer if Trump had not become the President of the U.S (as I’m sure many wished this as well). But, the real question is what’s happening?

Why does it appear as if we’ve come so far only to see injustices and inequality to tip the scales once more? Why are people calling for isolationism and exclusion when we are supposed to be one? Why does it seem like we are falling down some dark abyss into this dystopian society Hollywood and authors have been scribbling down as of late?

I’m confused. I want to help but I’m not sure how. Did I participate in the women’s march? Not really, I stumbled into the NYC one. Why didn’t I? Wasn’t it my right and duty to help the cause and do what I could make change come about?

Well it was brought to my attention that although the women’s march was inclusive and a fabulous show of support. There were still exclusionary properties to it. Women, I believe, are any females on this planet. No matter the color or age. The Women’s March when first created tried to brand itself after a march that already took place featuring all black women standing up for their rights. Why did the new march try to poach their name? Because they had no idea it existed. How can women not be aware of other women struggles for people of color? I think that’s wrong. It’s not right and still, even as a woman person of color, you’re fighting for not only your gender but your race. Life!

This is me talking frustration. I’ve traveled to many places and met people from all over. I haven’t been to every country or even what I consider a lot (maybe I’ve been to about 10 or 12), but I’ve met a lot of women. Each one unique, distinctive, with their own set of problems and opposing forces that they face in their country. It’s freaking crazy what some have been through. But all I can think, we need to get better.

We need to find a way to survive Trump. Not in a victim way but actually figure out a solution to all his wrongdoings so America and the world comes out relatively unscathed from his term in office. There has to be a way. We need to find it.

We need to be better as people. We need to be inclusive. We need to remember that a racial slur is a racial slur no matter if you’re progressive and only joking. We have to be aware and make changes. Continuing to grow and better ourselves, one day at at time. We have to!

Wake Up & Smell The Hot Cocoa

So December snuck on me – that was lovely. Lovely because so many things are about to happen. A trip to Tenerife, Christmas, Holiday Parties, A Long Overdue meet up with the BF (I have one now), etc. All of this sounds so crazy but the craziest thing of all is the fact that this year is my golden birthday.

What’s that you may ask? Golden birthday is when you turn the age of the date you were born on (at least, that’s what I was told). For some, they experienced their golden birthday at the ripe age of 3. Me, I’m going to be turning 27 on the 27th this year.

I don’t really love my birthday in general. I mean, I’m glad to be alive but don’t really look forward to the whole getting older thing but this year, I don’t mind. Partly because it’s my golden birthday and I’ll be in Tenerife with my BF on that day, but the other half of that is I feel like I *may* be hitting a stride or turning point?

I don’t want to jinx myself but I’m very positive about the things to come and achieving what I ultimately want. I think 2017 will be wonderful, despite all the tragic political craziness happening around the world. I have to be optimistic though. What kind of life do I expect to lead if I can’t see greatness for myself in the future? A pretty dark one is what I think.

This feeling of general glee and excitement came over me while sipping on the hot cocoa pictured in the featured image. I was out this weekend and treated myself to some hot cocoa. Although the taste and the atmosphere of the shop I was in didn’t transport me back to London, I couldn’t help but reflect on all the progress I made and the transformations I underwent.

It was a heck of a time. A time where I experimented and truly tried to figure out who I was and where I was going. Everything was on me to figure out (how to get around, pay bills, find a place to live, find work/internship, make friends, etc). It was all hard but worth it. I accomplished so much and feel energized in a way to tackle more and continue to blaze down the path I’ve started to carve out for myself. I know I can do it, I just have to not get lost!

I feel like so many people, especially the millennial type in their 20’s, are so confused. Worried about blazing down a particular path or doing something that isn’t considered too risky for the sake of money. Money is an important thing for sure – we need it to live and satiate certain wants – but we are all soo sooo worried about it. I’d love if we could all find ways to break free of that vice. I mean I haven’t. Not even close. I still feel the pressure to bring home the green on order to live a life I can be “happy” with (note happy is in quotes because everyone has a different way in which they measure happy). I do wish we could escape it though, life might be better.

But yeah, this December I’m feeling excited about what’s to come. I believe a lot of good things have happened to me this year. I may have felt completely lost while they happened and experienced plenty of bad or traumatizing to balance it out but nonetheless, all of it needed to happen. Perhaps me drinking this hot cocoa needed to happen too – so I could truly think about the good.

Solving For Boy

I’m not Taylor Swift but I felt like writing about boys.

The fact that they are so mysterious, stupid and simple all at once.

I’m not trying to be mean but that’s how I find them. All that and frustrating. It’s a wonder so many intelligent girls/women I know decide to put up with all the shenanigans. But then it’s not a wonder. Not to me.

I was raised on rom-coms and happily ever after, and although the world seems like a grim place right now (Trump, wars, economic stinkiness), I still believe that something genuinely amazing and awesome can happen if you believe and try to be the best person you can. Love is one of those things that I hope/think will happen for everyone. But I’m not talking about love, I’m talking about solving for idiots called boys.

People say that guys say what they mean and there isn’t much to read in-between. If a guy asks for your number, apparently all they want is your number. That doesn’t mean you should expect them to actually be interested in you or spend anytime with you. How dare you jump to such an awful conclusion! They just want the ability to call, anything else you dream up and think is your fault. I know when I ask for a person’s number, it’s so I can decide later on if I actually want to hang out with them. Never can have too many numbers on your phone. *sarcasm*

I mean, I do know girls are confusing too and can be psycho or dramatic but boys man, they’re just baffling.

Some guys who are baffling are actually nice though.

I believe deep down that they are genuinely nice people who just happen to also have conflicting intentions of being a “guy” (guy according to me – a male who is driven by sex, thoughts of nothing, hanging with their boys, and obsessed with some dumb sport and/or hobby). They try their best to be nice along the way to any girl that may peak their Mr.Willy Wonka by being a decent human (you know, not just grabbing at you immediately and taking the time to remember your name and a few facts about you) but they are still trying to satisfy a need on their time.

I guess the fact that a guy can be decent while still satiating their needs is confusing to me and all other girls. I feel like smart girls are naively suffering from deer in headlights syndrome whenever a guy is decent because let’s face it, today’s world feels full of game players and absolute creeps.

Me, I prefer a guy be outright and honest with me. If I know what I’m getting into, I’m less likely to drive myself insane trying to figure “it all out.” I’ll know that you just want a casual thing or that you want to be friends or that you want to be serious. I get it though, you don’t always know your true intentions at the beginning but once you do, why do you always work so hard to try to act like you don’t? There’s no need to pretend to be Mr.Nice Guy. Just do you and I’ll understand.

When life is already confusing enough in regards to career and finding yourself, do you really have to solve for boy too? I’d rather not but then maybe that’s the road you must travel down for life. I just hope solving for girl is as hard or harder. haha

Sifting Through Sh*T

Some days, I feel like I’m wading my way through steaming piles of manure.

Is it my face? My naive look? My willingness to try to see the good in the terrible? How is it possible for someone who looks like a calm, kind and reasonable person to look me in the eyes and tell me something they know is complete and utter shite?

I know how it’s possible and I can’t act like I don’t BS people myself but lately, I feel people are trying to try me (yes, I said it). haha

In the adulting world, people lie without giving it a second thought. They lie about age, salary, the rules, work, who they are, etc. It can be difficult to know what really is truth. Because of this known fact, I find myself overcompensating and analyzing every face, word, tone and body movement to get to the meat of what someone is really telling me.

Does this work? Meh.

There are times when I meet people who aren’t telling me BS and are actually doing them, that’s fine. I welcome that BUT with the amount of people who do lie to me, I sometimes confuse those honest truth tellers with those shady people trying to get one up on me.

I wish I could easily decipher what’s going on. Like, there should be a little alarm that goes off and tells me “Alert, alert, liar approaching. They are spinning a work of fiction, a motion picture, right in front of you.” There is some sort of alarm. I think that’s intuition (relating back to my old post about gut instinct) but then sometimes, I think “No, they aren’t lying to me. What reason could they have?” Half the time I’m right and the person is truly good and honest and simple and then other times, SH*T.

I wish sh*t didn’t exist but I guess that’s what makes the world go round?

This might be an American thing. Maybe in other cultures, people are brutal. They don’t tiptoe around a subject, just call things as they see them. I may or may not like this approach.

Why I wouldn’t like this – if it’s negative of course, they go at you with what seems like a bat. Beating you down with hard facts and harsh truths. If it’s positive, then no guessing games need to be played and your mind is saved from the workout it’s often put through when thinking “what do you really mean?”

I want to remain myself though. I like trying to find the best in someone and thinking that that liar is someone’s child so I shouldn’t be so cold. But I know killers are someone’s child too (not that liars and killers are in the same league) so maybe I am a bit naive? Or maybe I haven’t truly felt that earth shattering burn whip me into a volcano, leaving me with a feeling of sheer pain and ruin? I could have only experienced baby burns that heal and don’t leave wounds deep enough for me to realize the lies of today. But no, that isn’t true. I’ve been burned. Not volcano burned but I do have tiny aches and pains that flair up as a result of a past liar.

So shite. Yes, there’s lots of it in the world. Spewing forth from the mouths of leaders, friends and enemies. You can smell it some of the time but other times, you barely know it’s there. Wade your way through it though. Know when to identify it and you should be fine. I know I’m working on it. And don’t worry honest but real people, I still give everyone the benefit of the doubt and will hopefully know you for who you really are. haha Trust me, if I really don’t want to bother with you, I won’t at all.