Catch Up With Me

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I’ve completely lost any sort of schedule I may have had for this blog. I firstly want to say sorry. I didn’t mean to. I got caught up with things going on which include traveling/living in London temporarily, enjoying time with my boyfriend, learning about film production, networking with various producers, trying to see friends and family, writing a bit for Huffpost, looking for job prospects, etc. You name it, I’ve probably been trying to sort something out in that arena.

So right now, although I know I owe multiple Sicily stories, I’m catching you up on me and my thoughts. What’s changed? I still find life hard, or rather, challenging. Every day is a new battle. I’m fighting negative thoughts of what am I doing with my life (as in, who do I think I am, taking time off again to be in London like I’m some sort of privileged individual). Thinking, did I mess up? Should I have stayed longer and earned more money at my previous job? Thinking, where are you actually getting on your quest of applications, new business emails, networking and the like. But I need to give myself more credit. I’ve done a lot and been through a lot.

These past two and half months (nearly three!), I’ve had a lot of happy moments and trying ones. I’ve doubted my ability to succeed and earn a living up to my standards (nice quality of life where I can help some family members if they need but also take care of myself to do the new things I’ve grown accustomed to doing (travel, nice brunches, etc).

I want so much but I want to be grateful. I also don’t want to want for too much either. Like, I don’t want to be greedy but I don’t plan on denying myself things that I’m capable of getting and making happen.

I want others around me who are striving for things and putting their all into it, to get what they want. I want people to achieve because I think if you put in a lot of effort, don’t let people talk you out of things or let self doubt throw you into a spiral, your dreams can come true.

Me, I’m trying. I’m still optimistic about what I can do and how it can be done. I’m not being naive – I think I’m being realistic about it but I need to positive as well. Positivity can change a lot of things for you – how you see certain situations and opportunities. It also can motivate a person into putting themselves into more situations where even better things can result just because you take everything in stride.

That’s what I’m doing. Taking things in stride and learning day by day. That’s my excuse for the lack of blogging. I’ve been hustling as much as I can with the intention of blogging at night but sometimes, my mind just needs a break. Some Youtube clips of The Real, movie reviews and news of Trump and Theresa May have distracted me. I’ll try to do better!

Women’s March + Trump Thoughts

America, what is happening? World, what is happening?

There’s nothing wrong with the Right side in theory. I believe in balance. In Yin and Yang. In dark and light. We need opposing forces at time to counter one another, preventing someone or something from feeling as if they are so powerful that they can do anything.

Now, I feel we are in a time where one side feels they can do anything. The Right.

Daily, I come across or am informed of new articles about right-winged members pushing forward their agenda and calling for a rise of right power around the world (that sounds alarmingly close to another type of power). This scares me. Not because they are the new majority, but because of the statements they are making about what they feel is good for the people seems completely off. Maybe I’m biased. I am liberal. I’d prefer if Trump had not become the President of the U.S (as I’m sure many wished this as well). But, the real question is what’s happening?

Why does it appear as if we’ve come so far only to see injustices and inequality to tip the scales once more? Why are people calling for isolationism and exclusion when we are supposed to be one? Why does it seem like we are falling down some dark abyss into this dystopian society Hollywood and authors have been scribbling down as of late?

I’m confused. I want to help but I’m not sure how. Did I participate in the women’s march? Not really, I stumbled into the NYC one. Why didn’t I? Wasn’t it my right and duty to help the cause and do what I could make change come about?

Well it was brought to my attention that although the women’s march was inclusive and a fabulous show of support. There were still exclusionary properties to it. Women, I believe, are any females on this planet. No matter the color or age. The Women’s March when first created tried to brand itself after a march that already took place featuring all black women standing up for their rights. Why did the new march try to poach their name? Because they had no idea it existed. How can women not be aware of other women struggles for people of color? I think that’s wrong. It’s not right and still, even as a woman person of color, you’re fighting for not only your gender but your race. Life!

This is me talking frustration. I’ve traveled to many places and met people from all over. I haven’t been to every country or even what I consider a lot (maybe I’ve been to about 10 or 12), but I’ve met a lot of women. Each one unique, distinctive, with their own set of problems and opposing forces that they face in their country. It’s freaking crazy what some have been through. But all I can think, we need to get better.

We need to find a way to survive Trump. Not in a victim way but actually figure out a solution to all his wrongdoings so America and the world comes out relatively unscathed from his term in office. There has to be a way. We need to find it.

We need to be better as people. We need to be inclusive. We need to remember that a racial slur is a racial slur no matter if you’re progressive and only joking. We have to be aware and make changes. Continuing to grow and better ourselves, one day at at time. We have to!

Where Did I Go?

The December holidays sort of snuck up on me and I just got back from my trip to Tenerife. I didn’t forget about the blog though, don’t you fret!

I’m actually drafting up a number of posts – one which will of course chronicle my latest adventure and another on my 2016 reflections.

Stay tuned, there will be some pieces to read this weekend. 🙂

October in London

It’s October of 2016! How in the world did that happen? I remember when the year just started and I was in NYC dreaming of all the things I would and could do this year.

Now I feel like 2017 is just around the corner and it’s just… wow. Not to mention, I’m still in London going through life trials and tribulations. Meeting new people who have been encouraging to me when they have no real reason to be (I’m a stranger), hard talks and realities thrown on me by people I’d never suspect (I’m not a stranger) and just running into random experiences and adventures through some unknown will I keep stumbling across. It’s still great. It’s still hard. It’s life.

In one way, time is running out. Well my London time is. I’ve extended my ticket and thought about the big life question that everyone ponders “what’s next?” I have a vague idea. Very foggy and vague I might add, but I’m still going to try for this idea. Part of what’s in that idea is figuring out how to make my European dreams come true. I mean, lots of great Europe things have happened but I believe in always striving for more.

Some amazing things I’ve done as fall set in on me in another country:

  • Assit in editing a video for a Walking Dead promo
  • Help out on a shoot for Ugg
  • Learn more about using software like Premiere and After Effects
  • Learn way more about marketing than I intended (Google Adwords, Mailchimp, Tweedtdeck, etc)
  • Meet incredible people in the London film and production industry with drive and passion as well as lovely social skills (haha)
  • Go to movies in London (simple pleasures)
  • Move into my own place and share with girls that are super nice
  • Make friends despite having a network or good everyday social setting to find them (it’s hard stuff, believe me)
  • Go to a random concert, clubs, bakeries, book store, play
  • Travel to some new cities in Europe
  • Shop a little and grab some cute pieces (even if it hasn’t been warm enough to wear them)
  • Discover things about my self and what I can improve

That’s just a small bit of the list but there are plenty of things, including bad, that have in the end helped me to have a better understanding about what I want. I know that may be a selfish statement and it is, but it’s also not in some ways (learning more about how I want to treat others vs how people treat(ed) me is one way in wish it’s more people friendly).

I’m glad to be here, in London in October. I do admit I wasn’t sure if that would happen but I’ve been making it since June. If only I could find a way to make it last for as long as I chose. I mean, maybe I can and will stumble into that situation but overall I’m just glad… and grateful.

So yeah, that’s just a bit of my thoughts on making it to London and living here. It’s been crazy but I don’t regret even in my weak moments of disappointment and negativity.

 

Sifting Through Sh*T

Some days, I feel like I’m wading my way through steaming piles of manure.

Is it my face? My naive look? My willingness to try to see the good in the terrible? How is it possible for someone who looks like a calm, kind and reasonable person to look me in the eyes and tell me something they know is complete and utter shite?

I know how it’s possible and I can’t act like I don’t BS people myself but lately, I feel people are trying to try me (yes, I said it). haha

In the adulting world, people lie without giving it a second thought. They lie about age, salary, the rules, work, who they are, etc. It can be difficult to know what really is truth. Because of this known fact, I find myself overcompensating and analyzing every face, word, tone and body movement to get to the meat of what someone is really telling me.

Does this work? Meh.

There are times when I meet people who aren’t telling me BS and are actually doing them, that’s fine. I welcome that BUT with the amount of people who do lie to me, I sometimes confuse those honest truth tellers with those shady people trying to get one up on me.

I wish I could easily decipher what’s going on. Like, there should be a little alarm that goes off and tells me “Alert, alert, liar approaching. They are spinning a work of fiction, a motion picture, right in front of you.” There is some sort of alarm. I think that’s intuition (relating back to my old post about gut instinct) but then sometimes, I think “No, they aren’t lying to me. What reason could they have?” Half the time I’m right and the person is truly good and honest and simple and then other times, SH*T.

I wish sh*t didn’t exist but I guess that’s what makes the world go round?

This might be an American thing. Maybe in other cultures, people are brutal. They don’t tiptoe around a subject, just call things as they see them. I may or may not like this approach.

Why I wouldn’t like this – if it’s negative of course, they go at you with what seems like a bat. Beating you down with hard facts and harsh truths. If it’s positive, then no guessing games need to be played and your mind is saved from the workout it’s often put through when thinking “what do you really mean?”

I want to remain myself though. I like trying to find the best in someone and thinking that that liar is someone’s child so I shouldn’t be so cold. But I know killers are someone’s child too (not that liars and killers are in the same league) so maybe I am a bit naive? Or maybe I haven’t truly felt that earth shattering burn whip me into a volcano, leaving me with a feeling of sheer pain and ruin? I could have only experienced baby burns that heal and don’t leave wounds deep enough for me to realize the lies of today. But no, that isn’t true. I’ve been burned. Not volcano burned but I do have tiny aches and pains that flair up as a result of a past liar.

So shite. Yes, there’s lots of it in the world. Spewing forth from the mouths of leaders, friends and enemies. You can smell it some of the time but other times, you barely know it’s there. Wade your way through it though. Know when to identify it and you should be fine. I know I’m working on it. And don’t worry honest but real people, I still give everyone the benefit of the doubt and will hopefully know you for who you really are. haha Trust me, if I really don’t want to bother with you, I won’t at all.